Stiffy Makane: Apocolocyntosis — 42 of 235

One of the Bruces and Drunken Bastard

Release 1

Part Two - "Caesar"

Julius Caesar is a man in the Curia Steps. Understand "Gaius" as Julius Caesar. "Julius Caesar is here: a surprisingly short, surprisingly bald, man, although rather handsome and certainly charismatic." Instead of examining Caesar the first time:

say "Caesar is being 'stabbed' by the 'daggers' of all his friends, right here on the Curia steps.";

now Caesar is handled.

The description of Caesar is "Caesar will one day be described as, 'A husband to every wife, and a wife to every husband[41 as a reference][3 as a footnote].' At the moment, he's working on the latter role." The default reply of Caesar is "'Mmgmph!' Caesar's mouth is full right now." Caesar is unspeakable.

Instead of blowing Caesar, say "Today, 'a wife to every husband.' Maybe you could check back tomorrow if that's what you want to do." Instead of sucking Caesar, try blowing Caesar. Instead of wanking off Caesar, try blowing Caesar. Instead of rubbing Caesar, try blowing Caesar. Instead of eating Caesar, try blowing Caesar.

Instead of kissing Caesar, say "You can't: Caesar's mouth is full right now."

Instead of hailing Caesar, say "'[italic type]Ave Caesar![roman type]' Caesar manages a sideways glance and a fractional nod, but he's a litle busy right now."

Instead of cutting Caesar, try fucking Caesar.

Instead of attacking Caesar, try fucking Caesar.

Instead of fucking Caesar:

if the stiffycock is not held by the player


say "You aren't undressed for the occasion.";


say "You join in the fun, which is considerable: Caesar is both talented and well-practiced. After a few minutes, Caesar 'dies,' covered in 'blood' from multiple 'stab wounds.' As he and his friends rearrange their togas and leave, he blows you a kiss and flips you a coin.";

record "Julius Caesar" as achieved;

move the aureus to the player;

move Julius Caesar to Limbo;

move Caesar's friends to Limbo;

move men_scenery to Limbo;

move the curia_scenery_blood to the Curia Steps;

really have the parser notice the aureus;

end if.

The aureus is a thing. The description is "An aureus: a small golden coin, with the Roman wolf on one face and a winged phallus on the other." Understand "money", "gold", "small", "golden", "coin", "wolf", "phallus", and "aureum" as the aureus.

Instead of tasting the aureus, try smelling the aureus. Instead of smelling the aureus for the first time, say "You immediately wish you hadn't, and let's leave it at that." Instead of smelling the aureus, say "Once was more than enough."

The description of Caesar's toga is "A classic white linen toga, with a purple stripe around the edge. It's unpleasantly stained at the moment." Caesar's toga is worn by Julius Caesar.

Test Caesar with "X Caesar / X Caesar / X friends / Ask Caesar about Marcus / Ask Marcus about Caesar / X Caesar's toga / Blow Caesar / Remove toga / Fuck Caesar / Wear toga / X aureus / Smell aureus / G".