Stiffy Makane: Apocolocyntosis — 106 of 235

One of the Bruces and Drunken Bastard

Release 1

Part Four - "Judaean Brothel"

Chapter One - "Brothel"

The Judaean Brothel is a room. The description is "This is a small room with an exit to the north: there's a bed, currently occupied by a naked woman[if Rachel is boinked] snoring loudly[end if], and not much of anything else."

The brothel_bed is scenery. It is in the Judaean Brothel. The printed name is "bed". The description is "The only noteworthy feature of the bed is Rachel[if Rachel is boinked], who is fast asleep[end if]." The brothel_bed can be enterable. It is enterable. Instead of entering the brothel_bed, say "It's very narrow. You can only get into it by getting atop Rachel, and there are other verbs for that." Understand "bed" and "narrow" as the brothel_bed.

Instead of going outside in Judaean Brothel, try going north.

Before going north in Judaean Brothel:

If Rachel is not boinked, instead say "You dash into the hall, only to run smack into the bouncer. He listens briefly to Rachel's wails of rage. 'Unsatisfied customer,' he shrugs. 'Get back in there. By the way,' he grins, 'she sleeps like a log once she's come, and she usually has some pretty nice jewelry.' He shoves you back into the room.";

if the toga is not worn by the player, instead say "You realize that you probably ought to put your clothes back on first.";

if the ten-drachma coin is not held by the player, instead say "The guard arrests your progress. 'Dude,' he says. 'You didn't even stop to pick up your payment. That will never do.' He pushes you back into the bedroom.";

if the mezuzah is not held by the player and the mezuzah is not worn by the player, instead say "The bouncer stops you with a meaty hand on your chest. 'She's asleep,' he points out. 'Please, help yourself to that foul-mouthed harpy's jewelry.'";

say "The bouncer eyes you as you sidle past. 'I'm going to have to yell [italic type]Stop, thief![roman type] and chase you,' he says. 'Just as soon as I finish buckling my sandals.' You dash past him and are well into the street before you hear him shout. After running blindly for a while, you once again find yourself in familiar territory.";

move the player to Jerusalem;

stop the action.