Stiffy Makane: Apocolocyntosis — 179 of 235

One of the Bruces and Drunken Bastard

Release 1

Chapter Two "Madame S"

Instead of giving or showing something that is not the olive to Madame Sosostris, instead say "Madame Sosostris couldn't care less, and indicates such with a roll of her eyes."

Instead of giving or showing the pickled olive to Madame Sosostris:

say "Madame Sosostris gratefully accepts the olive and puts it in her martini. She takes a careful sip and sighs contentedly. 'Very well. Let's go,' she announces, as she climbs shakily to her feet. 'Lead the way.'";

move Madame Sosostris to the Apartment;

now the pickled olive is held by Madame Sosostris;

now Madame Sosostris is horny.

The martini is held by Madame Sosostris. The description is "Crystal clear gin and a splash of vermouth. Conical stemmed glass[if Madame Sosostris is horny]. One olive[otherwise]. Strangely, no olive[end if]." Understand "gin", "drink", "vermouth", "glass", "stemmed", "cocktail", "conical", "cone", "crystal", and "dry" as the martini. Instead of smelling the martini, say "It has the crisp, clean bite of gin." Instead of tasting, drinking, or sucking the martini, say "Madame Sosostris snarls, 'Mine!' at you, and you sheepishly retreat." The martini can be drinkable. It is drinkable. Check taking the martini: try drinking the martini.

Instead of asking Madame Sosostris about "olive" when Madame Sosostris is horny, say "Madame Sosostris winks at you and waggles her martini glass."

Instead of asking Madame Sosostris about "Gin/martini/vermouth/cocktail" when Madame Sosostris is horny, say "Madame Sosostris winks at you and waggles her martini glass."

Table of Sosostral Perambulation


Table of Madame's Chatter (continued)

topicreplysummaryturn stamp
"herself/Madame/Sosostris/Auntie/Mame/Sybil/Fawlty/death" or "Sybil Fawlty" or "Sybil Sosostris" or "Madame Sosostris" or "Auntie Mame""'I died. It was embarrassing. Let's not talk about it.'""she doesn't want to talk about her death"a number
"Underworld/Hades/Hell""'What a dump!'""she thinks the Underworld is a dump"--
"Dolly/Persephone/Parton" or "Dolly Parton""'Disgusting pneumatic little tramp. Probably crawling with all sorts of diseases.'""she's quite contemptuous of Persephone"--
"Cerberus/Vinnie/Ursa/Golem/dog""'What a darling puppy!'""she's enamored of Cerberus"--
"sailor/drowned/Phoenician/card/cards/Tarot/pack/wicked" or "wicked pack" or "wicked pack of cards" or "wicked tarot pack" or "drowned sailor" or "drowned Phoenician" or "drowned Phoenician sailor""'Um, about that...' she begins. 'Er, I think I gave you the wrong card. You got the Drowned Phoenician Sailor, and [italic type]fear death by water[roman type], yeah?' You nod. 'Well, see, the thing is...your card actually should have been Priapus. I bet Phlebas, who should have had the Sailor card, is pretty pissed.'""she gave you the wrong fortune; your card should have been Priapus"--
"fortune/priapus/me/Mentula/Macanus/Stiffy/Makane/future" or "my fortune" or "Stiffy Makane" or "Mentula Macanus""She grimaces. 'Your card is Priapus, not the Sailor. You will have many lovers, and eventually ascend to godhood. You will become...well, sort of a fertility god. Kind of.' She looks a little shifty.""you are destined to become a sex god of some sort"--
"Phlebas""'Let's not talk about him. I bet he was surprised to drown, after what I told him.'""she got your fortune mixed up with that of Phlebas"--
"pumpkin""Madame Sosostris fakes a coughing fit and pretends not to hear you.""she doesn't want to talk about the word 'pumpkin'"--
"Tiresias/hermaphrodite/morphodite/hermaphrodite/blind""'Never trust a hermaphrodite.'""she says you shouldn't trust Tiresias"--
"Doug/Dougs""'Ugh.'""she finds the Dougs revolting"--
"Graham/Grahams""She just rolls her eyes.""the Grahams provoke only eye-rolling"--
"Stetson""'Ew. Nasty, nasty man.'""she really dislikes Stetson"--
"olive""'Yeah, I'd follow someone who gave me an olive pretty much anywhere.'""she'll follow someone who provides her with an olive to the end of the earth, and beyond"--
"Gin/martini/vermouth/cocktail/drink""'Auntie needs her medicine. [if Madame Sosostris is horny]Thanks for the olive[otherwise]Sure wish I had an olive for it, though[end if].'""she requires her martini, but thinks an olive"--
"Sweeny/Apeneck/redhead" or "red-haired man" or "Apeneck Sweeny""'Ooooh, isn't he gorgeous?'""she has the hots for the red-haired man"--
"Charon/ferryman/skeleton""'Spooky, no? Poor guy has bad lumbago.'""the ferryman suffers from lumbago"--
"Agamemnon""'What a jackass. Sacrificing his daughter for a favorable wind. Feh.'""she thinks Agamemnon was wrong to sacrifice Iphigeneia"--
"Tantalus""She just rolls her eyes.""she is not a fan of Tantalus"--
"Gate of Horn" or "Hornéd Gate" or "Horned Gate" or "Horn Gate" or "horn""'True dreams leave Hades through the hornéd gate.'" "the Gate of Horn is how true dreams get out into the world"--
"Gate of Ivory" or "Ivory Gate" or "ivory""'That gate's how false dreams get into the world.'""false dreams go through the Gate of Ivory"--
"Syra""A shiver of delight passes through Madame Sosostris. 'Yes, after we figured out where to put the nose...ahhh.'""she had an unforgettable encounter with Syra"--