Stiffy Makane: Apocolocyntosis — 150 of 235

Book Three - "A-Viking We Will Go"

Test viking with "pull oar / push oar / pull oar /push oar / pull oar".

Svennish Sailing is a scene. Svennish Sailing begins when the location is the Viking Longboat. Svennish sailing ends when the location is not the Viking Longboat.

Viking_region is a region. Viking Longboat is in Viking_region. Viking_Region is in Shipboard.

The Pillars of Hercules are scenery. The description is "There are big rocks to the north and south; behind you, Mare Nostrum. Ahead, [italic type]ne plus ultra[roman type]." Understand "rocks", "big", "Gibraltar", "Mare Nostrum", "ne plus ultra", "straits", and "strait" as the Pillars of Hercules.

The Gallic Coast is scenery. The description is "Fluffy white sheep dot green fields." Understand "fluffy", "white", "sheep", "fields", "French", and "Gaulish" as the Gallic Coast.

The Caledonian Coast is scenery. The description is "Driving rain obscures the gray coastline." Understand "driving", "rain", "bitter", "bitterly", "lead", "sea", "cold", "coastline", and "gray" as the Caledonian Coast.

Viking Longboat is a room. "The Viking longboat is about half the size of the slave galley: ten rows of benches, two rowers per side. At least this time you're not chained to an oar. You are surrounded by a bunch of tall blonde bearded men, all named Sven."

A Sven is a kind of man. The description is "Tall and blonde." A Sven is unspeakable. A Sven is scenery. The default reply of a Sven is "Sven looks at you curiously. 'Bork bork bork?' he inquires." Understand "viking", "barbarian", "tall" and "bearded" as a Sven.

Some Sven_facial_hair is scenery in Viking Longboat. It is ambiguously plural. The printed name is "blonde hair". Understand "blonde", "hair", "blond", "beard", and "beards" as Sven_facial_hair. The description is "There's an immense profusion of blonde hair and beards here." Instead of kissing, buggering, rubbing, touching, sucking, fucking, blowing, wanking off, or eating a Sven, say "You're a little busy right now."

Sven Snurrison is a Sven in the Viking Longboat.

Sven Svenson is a Sven in the Viking Longboat.

Sven Olafson is a Sven in the Viking Longboat.

Sven Hammerpecs is a Sven in the Viking Longboat.

Sven Greentooth is a Sven in the Viking Longboat.

Sven Groot is a Sven in the Viking Longboat.

Sven Gali is a Sven in the Viking Longboat.

Sven Johannson is a Sven in the Viking Longboat.

Sven Alvarson is a Sven in the Viking Longboat.

Sven Bloodaxe is a Sven in the Viking Longboat.

Sven Erikson is a Sven in the Viking Longboat.

Sven Hrothgarson is a Sven in the Viking Longboat.

Sven Grendelson is a Sven in the Viking Longboat.

Sven Bjornson is a Sven in the Viking Longboat.

Sven Alequaffer is a Sven in the Viking Longboat.

Sven Spamson is a Sven in the Viking Longboat. Understand "seatmate" and "benchmate" as Sven Spamson. The description is "Tall and blonde, Sven Spamson is your seatmate."

Sven Dagson is a Sven in the Viking Longboat.

Sven Egilson is a Sven in the Viking Longboat.

Sven Fredrikson is a Sven in the Viking Longboat.

Sven Haraldson is a Sven in the Viking Longboat. Understand "cox" and "coxswain" as Sven Haraldson. The description is "Sven Haraldson is the coxswain. He's tall, blonde, and bearded. He shouts orders and beats a drum to keep the rowers working together."

The drum is scenery in the Viking Longboat. The description is "Sven Haraldson pounds the drum to keep the rowers in time."

The sea chest is a supporter in the Viking Longboat. It is ambiguously plural. The description is "The Vikings don't use benches; instead their rowers sit on sea chests containing their possessions." Understand "rough", "chests", "benches", "bench", "wood", and "wooden" as the sea chest. The sea chest can be openable. It is openable. Instead of opening the sea chest, say "Not with all the rowers sitting on them."

Before going in the Viking Longboat:

say "There's really nowhere to go.";

follow the you_fucked_up_viking_rowing rule.

Before doing anything other than going, examining, pushing, pulling, asking, smelling, or taking during Svennish Sailing:

if the time since Svennish Sailing began is at least one minute and the location is the Viking Longboat

begin;

say "Alas, your options are rather limited right now, given the bloody-minded dedication of your fellow rowers. Speaking of which...";

follow the you_fucked_up_viking_rowing rule;

end if;

stop the action.

Before smelling something in the Viking Longboat:

say "You can't smell anything other than sweaty men, which is not as pleasant as you might imagine.";

stop the action.

Every turn during Svennish Sailing:

if the good_stroke_count is greater than 4, now the good_stroke_count is 0;

if the stroke clock is 0

begin;

now the stroke clock is 1;

say "Sven Haraldson pounds his drum and shouts 'BORK!'";

otherwise;

now the stroke clock is 0;

end if.

After pulling during Svennish Sailing:

if the noun is not the oar or the stroke clock is not 1

begin;

follow the you_fucked_up_viking_rowing rule;

end if.

After pushing during Svennish Sailing:

if the noun is not the oar or the stroke clock is not 0

begin;

follow the you_fucked_up_viking_rowing rule;

end if.

This is the you_fucked_up_viking_rowing rule:

if the location is the Viking Longboat

begin; [ the scene machinery is a little broken ]

let the puncher be a random visible Sven;

say "[The puncher] laughs uproariously at your lack of coordination, and punches you playfully in the face.";

end if;

stop the action.

After doing anything other than pushing or pulling during Svennish Sailing, follow the you_fucked_up_viking_rowing rule.